The Why's in my head

There are many days and nights that I would keep on thinking why I'm still keeping this feelings? Why Am I still fighting for this love even if I know that there's no future between us? Why do I keep on hurting even if I don't want to care and be hurt? Why do I keep on thinking and make myself worried and stressed? Why do I keep on loving even if I don't want to?

My life is so different from yours. We even have a very big age gap. We live in different parts of the world, we have different culture, we have different religions, we eat different foods, we were born and raised differently but at some point my heart feels you. My heart longs for you and wanted no one but you. My heart beats for you everyday but no one would know because my feelings for you is hidden. I want to believe that what I am feeling now is for real but my mind keeps on telling me to stop because my heart is already in so much pain and my mind can't trust anymore. I want to keep on fighting for this love but my mind would tell me "no" you have to stop and leave. If only I could make my heart and mind in sync again like before maybe there wouldn't be a problem. Maybe I won't be hurting so much now. Maybe I won't be in so much pain right now. You are with me yet you feel so far. I want to keep loving you but my mind wants to give up My heart is tired already...that's the truth. But I want to keep holding you because my heart knows that she only beats for you. Because my heart knows that she only wants you. Because my heart knows that you're the only person she needs to make her whole.

One day I hope my mind will forget what happened so that my heart wouldn't be in so much pain. I want to forgive and forget everything that happened but at this point I still can't. It will take some time. I will still make you feel my love and how important you are to me. I hope you won't be hurt and sad if sometimes you'll feel that I'm a little distant. I want to protect my heart from being hurt. I want to rest my mind from doubts and worries.

Don't worry, I will try to hold on. I will try to make it work. I hope you will keep holding my hand while I am trying because I don't want to let you go. I love you so much more than you know and my heart and mind will never stop loving and thinking of you, thats for sure.

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